So the iPhone 3G finally launched in the US. I was the 2nd person in line at International Mall and got my 16 gb white iPhone 3G activated and out the door at 8:00 AM EST. Immediately after setting foot outside the store, I was mauled by raging Apple fanatics.

Being as paranoid as I am, I put the phone back into the box and went straight to a local State Farm insurance agent, where I then proceeded to take out an insurance policy on the phone.
And then Apple screwed up big time. Basically, the servers that handle the iPhone activations in iTunes epic failed. How epic was this fail? It was a world-wide failure that broke all phone activations. I could just picture Steve Jobs whispering to himself, “Oops, wrong button.” Good job, Apple! Apple requires that you activate the phone in-store, so you can figure out what happened to the long line of Apple munching nerds. Annnd I digress…
So uhh… Step number 3 for me was to find a protective case for the phone. I went to Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Circuit City, and two different AT&T stores, and they all produced a whole lot of fail! The last option left was the Apple store itself. Oh my god, it was a nightmare.
Immediately after exposing my iPhone to plain sight, five or six Apple cultists surrounded me, eager to look at and even touch my iPhone. I’m just happy that the whole group of 350+ Apple fanboys were too busy multi-touching eachother’s iEgos that they didn’t notice me. The rent-a-cop security, although more educated than the average hamster, still failed to comprehend that I had no intention of buying an iPhone, therefore he grabbed me and wouldn’t let me proceed.
“Please, don’t ****ing touch me! You’re lucky you don’t know who I am! Thank you.” I explained to the guy, politely of course. It was really loud - everyone was looking at him grabbing my arm with two hands, including the news reporter covering the event, making him look like a rapist, but at least I said please and thank you. This awkward moment was my opportunity to walk into the Apple store.
Finally, I was able to look at the iPhone 3G cases. Once I sifted through all the superiority complex in the store, I found exactly what I was looking for.
Result: I have a fully working 16 gb, white iPhone 3G, with full body protection, insurance, MobileMe, and integration into this website.
Most importantly, I pwned my friend John from Orlando. “Get pwnt brrlrlrlrrl”
written by Gerry